What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
