i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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