I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
