I feel like I'm in dance class right now
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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