Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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