Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
