i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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