And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
