How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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