this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
