Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
