so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
