thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
