I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
