In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
