Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
