just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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