so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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