Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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