you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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