I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
