I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
