I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
