I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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