I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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