I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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