Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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