You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
