Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
