yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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