I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
