I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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