Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
