If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
