I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
