i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
