y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
