i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
