I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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