I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
