The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
