I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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