just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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