I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
