I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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