I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
