Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
