I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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