Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
