You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
