yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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