I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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