Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
