We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
