I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
