If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like Dick and happiness
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
