There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
