Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
