Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My feet surprised me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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