Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
