i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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