apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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