a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
