you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
