From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
