She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize