sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
