I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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