well most of my day revolves around power hour
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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