After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
