walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Randomize
