I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
