I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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