So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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