how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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