i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
