Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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