Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize