My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
