two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
