After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
