Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need water and some morals
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
