I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
