Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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