Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
