He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
