Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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