I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
