a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
