Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
