Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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