shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
