I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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