Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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